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I Can’t Even.

Hey my Mrmintyfishers.

I’m back early. Why? BECAUSE YOU NEED TO SORT YOUR SHIT.

This isn’t a friendly visit. I don’t care how your New Years went; partly because all I did was sit on the couch with a bottle of cidar and feel sorry for myself; but partly because if the state of my News feed is anything to go by, your lives are terrible and quite frankly, I don’t care.

Let me start out by saying that I don’t know anyone ugly. Not because I surround myself with the specifically designed elite; but because I only see people as ugly when I’m mad at them and after that, they look perfectly acceptable again. Yeah. I’m just that saintly.

The reason I bring this up is that the self esteem on my news feed is phenomenally low. Either that or the attention seeking is at an all time high. Here are my answers to your life problems.

Q.Why am I always getting walked all over?

A.Because you’re letting yourself

Q.Why does he treat me like shit?

A.Because he’s a dick. You know this, and you’re still there.

Q.Why do girls think I’m a player?

A.Because you take bitches home all day, err day.

Q.How can I make my flatmates like me more?

A.Move out.

These are rules for life. There are more, but I have had a lazy Pulse (because I’m still 14) and my anger at my news feed is slowly being taken over by the urge to Google dubstep remixes of the Coronation Street theme song.

I do love your faces,

Yours,

MMF.

Hey you promiscuous kids.
Another 4 weeks has come and gone and we are BACCCCCK. Enjoy today’s first release and keep your eye out for more columns to drop over the next day or so.

You all look spectacular today.
Jizz

Mischief managed
“OMG, are you in a bad mood?” No, this look on my face of pure anger is just for shits. I’m  not bipolar, I mean I could probably Google the symptoms and self  diagnose it like every other mother fucker, but when I am in a bad mood I  could cut every bitch I see and the last thing that I want to hear is,  “Why are you in such a shitty mood?” One; if you are dumb enough to ask  that question than you are probably the reason. Two; asking me that  question is like pushing me off the edge, ask me one more time and my  mind might conveniently go blank and I will wake up covered in body  bits. Three; you’re not a physiatrist, you can’t solve my problems,  therefore I don’t want your help. Humans experience a whole spectrum  of emotion and certain ones seem to have been labelled negative and the  idea has arisen that these need to be ‘cured’ as soon as possible. I’m  not taking about depression, that is a serious illness and I understand  that, I am talking about being in a good old-fashioned shitty mood.  Don’t offer your help when people are in a bad mood, chances are you  will only make it worse. I think I would rather be a well-balanced  person who, when in a bad mood, doesn’t bottle and appears to be a  manically happy person all the time. No one likes them either. So  bitches, stop trying to solve my mood I don’t want it solved I just want  to sit in my bedroom hating the world in peace. Thank you.
How to spot a Lagerfeld: Out of every designer in the fashion industry, Karl Largerfeld is the most iconic with his own personal look. His stylish aura consists of a white ponytail, fingerless gloves, black glasses and a high collared suit. Karl safeguarded the huge legacy of Coco Chanel and has turned it into one of the most profitable and highly recognized label in the world.For 25 years, Karl has been a part of Chanel but even when he joined in 1983 he was already an incredible designer. He was simultaneously creative designer for Chloe and Fendi.As if those aren’t enough outlets for his creativity, Lagerfeld also boasts his own designer label, Karl Lagerfeld, which he started in 1998 under the name Lagerfeld Gallery. Free of the constraints that heading up a historic fashion house brings, Lagerfeld uses the eponymous label as a realm for exploring an edgier aesthetic.Karl is also known for his distaste for fat people ‘“What I designed was fashion for slender and slim people,” he said. “That was the original idea”. He told Prestige Magazine “In France there are a large percentage of young girls who are overweight and less than one percent are skinny. So let’s talk about the 25 percent who have a weight problem,or are overweight. We don’t need to discuss the less than one percent”. Anorexia is nothing to do with fashion.Long live McQueen.

Hello! Today I received a box of 12 Lipton Ice Teas from 1day.co.nz and it was all only 13 bucks. I was highly pleased and felt like someone from Shortland Street. You know how they go into the fridge and pull out a delicious looking drink while discussing something scandalous? Yup. Me. My life.


Weeeell Harry Potter is officially all filmed-out and I can now spend my time being excited about The Hobbit & the new HBO show Game of Thrones. Yazooomireeedawwg.


But hang on… Can I just comment on Draco in the epilogue? Was he the only one who went to makeup that day? Go watch it again and have a think about that. That’s what you get when Voldy hugs you I guess…




Warning! Abrupt change of subject ahead

I look over at the TV and see images of dead people and psychopaths. This has been happening ever since I was about 14. Before then I was blissfully unaware of the bad things in this world. I don’t know how many times I have given up on humanity. Each time I have though, I have seen/heard something or spoken to somebody who has made me believe again. This is deep, buuuut I am deep so whatevs. 

So no matter how many Deatheaters are out there, you can count on the fact that there will always be a member of the Order of the Phoenix, or the D.A ready to kick some ass.
  
"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."
Albus has a point.





Next time: Sea Monsters and Dinosaurs.
In Your Wet Dreams Spring Summer 11/12 have to say I’m loving all the upcoming pieces from Lonely Hearts, Twenty Seven Names, Shakuhachi, Karen Walker just praying that Stolen Girlfriends Club dresses with the Karl Maughan prints get picked up by retailers!   I’ll only have to sell a kidney and live on rice for three months to afford it.  Pictured  ClockwiseTwentyseven Names Dress, Karen Walker dress, Twenty Seven Names, Shakuhachi, Lonely Hearts and Stolen Girlfriends Club.Halamehi wears jeans and shoes from Void Dunedin, top from Supre, and fur vest from Glassons (Haus of G).Little test for you. Figure out the rest, or better yet; create your own version!Love you all,Shristi.
Okay so for the second article I may have been a little distracted with my new computer monitor and may have forgotten to write it. I just saw the last Harry Potter movie – awesome musical score.Okay, just chilling in my room listening to Oscar Peterson at present, all you jazz cats need to get into this guy. Great for studying. ‘I love you, Porgy’ is some of the best jazz piano I have heard.New name: Gary Clark Jr. Stumbled across this incredible bluesman watching Crossroad videos on youtube. Seriously, listen to ‘Bright Lights’. You will be singing it for days.New LMFAO album – I like. Goes RnBish as it hits the second half but hey, I don’t mind, I’m tolerant of all genres. ‘Cept that Gabba shit.With Six60 coming to Altitude, I figure I should also drop their name in. Going to be huuuge. Just released their ‘Don’t Forget Your Roots’ music video and the single has just hit public radio.As I can’t be fucked writing anymore, here are ten artists that are awesome.Rusko, Ben Harper, Cage The Elephant, LCD Soundsystem, I Am Giant, Cairo Knife Fight, The Almost, Example, Eva Cassidy, Modestep.Goodnight.
Having to do my first entry on an almost fail night/day of drinking. Sad, I know, but sometimes you pre-drink a little too hard to actually make it out to town. On the plus side, doing a spot of binge drinking in the student bar during the day makes the city a much more vibrant place to be in. We exit the student bar after a few hours of chucking back $7 jugs of beer to discover we are in fact a bit tipsier than we originally thought, maybe stood up to quickly and got a rush to the head? I can’t say. What I do know is that the decline of two stories of floors what a bit of a fucking mission. Before I continue I would like to point out that NO, I’m not always hitting it hard at 11am and NO I wasn’t the drunkest in our team. It would be against humanity to not take advantage of these $7 jugs, you would. Wouldn’t you? But then again, this is maybe why I’m the one covering this topic? Meh. Suits me! If anything, I’m really fucking stoaked its uni holidays so I don’t have to make the drunken walk through the uni quad packed with about 200 odd tight asses giving you the up downs because I’m having a good time. I mean, I don’t know about you others that are studying at Auckland University, but I have noticed that our drinking culture is shitloads below average. Honestly, what’s the point of  a student bar smack dang it the middle of it all – open early morning – if you’re just going up there for a toasted sandwich (which are mean by the way) over study notes? Loosen the fuck up if you ask me.  This is why we go onto VESBAR at AUT, because the people that go to AUT are fucking dropkicks, my point is proven by discovering that every guy there is loose as a goose and its only lunchtime. I no shit walked into VESBAR, and someone yelled “dibbs!” which thankfully resulted in all these first year  hopefuls buying me drinks all afternoon. Success? Success indeed sire. On the super plus side, we didn’t make it to town that which saves the shittness of getting denied by the bouncers at M.E.T & CODE. Fucking cunts. Sorry for party rocking failing.
Sometimes (most of the time) when I can’t sleep I put a movie on. Usually I choose a movie that I’ve already seen a couple times so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on much or I won’t get to sleep until it’s over. So, on one very late night/early morning when the sun started to rise and I realised that all hope of getting to sleep was lost I did something a little different and put on a movie I had never seen before; that movie being, 9 Songs.A quick IMDb search of this movie told me it was about an American girl and a British guy who meet at a concert and fall in love, here’s me thinking, “Yeah, I’ll chuck on a sloppy love movie which can bore me to sleep”, oh how wrong I was.This movie is what Vic Students would pass off as an artistic interpretation of the male and female relationship; the rest of the world would call it a porno.Ten minutes into this thing and you already now that this guys got the goods in the dick department and this chick could basically lose a jandal in the cavern that is her vagina. Not wanting to weird the flatmates out by watching a porno by myself at 5 in the morning I turned it off; however, I will review the ten minutes that I (unknowingly) watched…Quick synopsis; Matt meets Lisa at a concert. Matt shares a smoke with Lisa. Matt and Lisa fuck. Lisa cooks Matt breakfast. Matt and Lisa fuck. Matt and Lisa go to another concert. Matt and Lisa fuck.I’m pretty sure that the rest of the movie would follow that same pattern. Now when I say that “Matt and Lisa fuck” I don’t mean you watch them grind each other under the safe covers of their bed, I mean you get the type of P and V action that your boyfriend Google’s when your Aunt Flo visits and you refuse to give comply to gobbie week, (stop lying to yourself, you know he takes matters into his own hands…). The interesting thing about this movie is that it is actually really a movie; Matt and Lisa are actually Keiran and Margo who obviously take their roles very (very) seriously. Good on them, I guess. Also, they do fall in love but Lisa breaks up with him and moves back to America, Google said so.In keeping with this issues (?) theme the second movie I shall review will be Pirates. Good ‘ole Pirates. Everyone’s heard of Pirates some people even got snapped watching it in lounge two at Stud Ville (you know who you are). I’m not gunna lie I have seen bits and pieces of it, the joys of having male friends that like to drink (Paora, Liam) and a male flatmate with over 100gb of porn on the home server (Brad). I recommend you watch at least 15 minutes of this movie, if you wanna get your rocks off watch the porno bits, if you wanna know how to please a woman watch the porno bits, if you wanna know how to give a gobbie watch the porno bits, if you want a good hearty chuckle watch the whole movie, shit’s fucking hilarious. Wickedly awesome special affects coupled with the best acing you will ever see and a plot that makes all the sense in the world. If you don’t get that sarcasm then never read my reviews ever again, I forbid you.Ok kiddies that’s about it from me today, just to clear something up though I didn’t download 9 Songs nor did I seek it out purposely I just happened to grab it from a folder on my friends HD labelled ‘Romance’, I think she tricked me. Dirty whore. Also, on the porn trend, if you watch and enjoy tentacle porn you are a terrible person, Jesus hates you.Peace.
Welcome to the first MMF mag. Good day to be alive aint it?
So here’s a couple of things you need to know going in.
If any of the following offends you, just close this page; and then throw your computer out the window and never use the internet ever again because it’s really not your thing.
-swearing
-alcohol
-fun
-epicness
-grammar and/or lack thereof

Think of this mag as the big brother you never had but wanted because his mates are all hot and you would like a slice. Basically, think of this as your gateway. You’re welcome.
Feel free to message us and let us know what you want to see. Nothing is off limits, except your brothers hot mates… Lifes a bitch.

Love you all a bit too much,
Jizz/MrMintyFish

P.S. By clicking ‘message’ at the top of the screen, you have the option to send us anonymous mail. Always good. Best one might win a prize. Might not. Thats the fun of it.

An introduction to fashion in DubCity 
A city rich in heritage best known for producing academics with drinking problems and a couple of serial murderers, It is actually teeming with culture famous artists Colin McCahon and Frances Hodgkins and poet James K. Baxter hail from this small southern city. 
Little is known that it is a haven for fashion in the southern Hemisphere, Maguerita Robertson and her sister Elisabeth Findlay started up Nom D and Zambesi respectively. Robertson still has a boutique here Plume and is based here unlike her sister who has moved to Auckland.  These sisters are responsible for the Dunedin fashion aesthetic, dark and broody and a little bit noir.  Other designers like Company of Strangers and Tanya Carlson have their roots in Dunedin. These cool cats have put a spin on this aesthetic with elements of fine tailoring and vintage garments. 
There’s also the students that flock to the great south from all across New Zealand, the Aucklanders sporting the lasted Ruby Sweater, to the rugby boys never seen without their Canterbury stubbies and warehouse Jandals and of course those alternative folk from the windy city that are too cool in their vintage slash op shop clothes.  But mostly the city is overridden with a surplus of Kathmandu puffers that make even skinny girls look fat. Next week I will begin posting photos of Dunedin street fashion, its not all bad I promise. 
Aside from that there a quite a few good boutiques well worth spending course related costs on, personal favourites Slick Willys and Belle Bird quite popular with students, both stores have gone online in the last month, Ruby, Carlson, Plume, Waughs and Modern Miss are great too. And for those winter boots get amongst McKinlays making fine leather goods since 1879.  
An honorable mention must be made to my favourite kiwi designer Twenty Seven Names  not actually from Dunedin but they studied here at the Otago Polytech, they are based in Wellington and have been very successful  in Australia and New Zealand. 
Look at that, Dunedin is cooler than you think. 
Shristi
xx  
As a bottle of Listerine smashed through my window last night I thought to myself… Is the scarfie culture REALLY dead? Are the days of people riding down Castle Street naked, on a forklift gone for good? And have people decided to stop and think for a few seconds before throwing their fecal matter at passers by? We have heard a lot in the past year or so about the Uni trying to cut out all the fun and although we no longer have such prestigious and infamous events as “cookathon”, toga parade or even the Undie 500 I say the “scarfies” are still out in full force. (I put the term “scarfie” in brackets and use it very loosely as basically it’s a shit term now to take the piss out of fucks who think they are boss… But aren’t.) Where else in the world but Dunedin is it socially acceptable to walk down the street calling every second person an “oxygen thief” a “butler” or a “sack of shit” (Insults heard in the past few days).  Ill tell you- nowhere. Will you find another university where, streaking through lectures is mandatory at least once in your pursuit for a “higher education”? To be honest Id say it would be a far cry from what you Vic students do to get loose. A couple of glasses of fine red wine and a cocktail at Library bar. Ha, you’re all pussies. (Just saying). In conclusion- even though 8% raspberry big foot is out, we are still  rough as they come.
Have you met Sibilance?
I can answer that question for you. No you  fucking well haven’t.
I am sick and tired of people pretending they know  shit when they don’t even. Sure at the time you think it’s all good and  well to pretend you know this bloke called Sibilance, I am sure you  even think that he’s not real. After all who the fuck calls their child  Sibilance? ( Although if you are Whangarei like me you probably know  people called Holden or Chardon or any other Car/ Wine brand) But an  innocent white lie could end in disaster.
The tale of Sibilance begins  in 2007 in Mrs Northys Year 11 english class. You see, Sibilance is a  good friend of mine, who I mention frequently and on one winter day I  decided to mention Sibilance to my other friends Jessica, Hayleigh and  Kate. What followed was a feeble attempt by these 3 to prove they did  infact know Sibilance. “ Yeah we are well good friends, he was at my  house yesterday” Bullfuckingshit I say. They were just keen to jump on  the “ I know shit” bandwagon It doesn’t always end well.
Like the time Kate convinced me she knew where Wendys was. She admitted  after 2 hours of driving round in circles, people probably seeing us and  thinking we were absolute fucking hicks from some shithole like  Whangarei who have never been to the big smoke ( Which is 100 % true )  That she had no idea where Wendys was.  And so my cravings for Wendys  were never sated.  And I was fuuuucking hungry. Like legit could have  eaten one of those large combos from there that only morbidly obese  Americans can eat. Thus the story ends in disaster.Bitches truely do  need their Wendys.
So you ask ( or Aksk for those of you ghetto kids)  How do Wendys and Sibilance relate? They don’t really. I just  needed to fill up space. Hey, you are the muppy that just spent 2  minutes reading this utter shit. Bet you never get that back. Yipee  Ki-Yay Mother Fuckers.